The Super Senior Stages of Grief
"College is the best 4 years of your life." Everyone tells you this from the time that you're old enough to understand what college is, until you get there. Then you can start sharing the same spiel with other aspiring college attendees. What people don't tell you is that there is another side to the story. Some people will find themselves taking an extra semester/year that shamefully follows the first, incredible 4.
As a "super senior" myself, I can attest that the 5th time around, is not as amazing. I constantly find myself feeling unaccomplished and out-of-place in the place that I have called home for the past 4 years. A majority of my friends have left and now have "big-kid" jobs, the people who have always been in the graduation class below me are now the top-dogs, and even my teachers are looking at me with curiosity, concerning my presence in their classrooms. I can honestly say that I have not gone more than a week and a half without hearing the words, "What are you doing here? I thought you graduated!" To these people, I usually have nothing more to say than, "I have no idea what I'm still doing here, but here I am," followed by my best fake smile. But as the school year has gone on, and I am rapidly approaching my graduation date, I have found myself becoming more accepting of my super senior status. So to all those individuals out there who are looking at an extra year/semester in their future, or maybe even are currently experiencing the dreadful 5th year, I share with you my experience through the 5 stages of grief: Super Senior Edition.
1. Denial
When I first returned to school from the summer, it was hard for me to grasp that I was actually back at school. Even when I started attending classes, I would constantly question the reality of it all. The whole concept of being a student suddenly became overwhelming and I wasn't sure of how to go on, or if I could, or if I should.
2. Anger
After finally having to accept that I truly was attending classes and not dreaming, my anger rose drastically. "Why didn't I graduate on time like everyone else?!" was a question I asked myself frequently. I started taking my emotions out on everyone else. When people would ask me the dreaded question of why I was still there, I experienced an overwhelming urge to do something drastic like knocking their books out of their hands. When teachers would assign work, I wanted to overturn tables and wreak havoc, Godzilla style. It was a dramatic period of my life.
3. Bargaining
Luckily, the anger stage melted away and in its wake came the bargaining stage. Some of the trades that I would offer up to the graduation gods were truly ridiculous, but I had no other outlet.
"Why couldn't (insert name here) take on an extra semester and I get their diploma in Accounting instead?"
"If you let me take less electives and more core classes, I promise I'll take the trash out more."
"I will never watch Netflix again if you just make graduation tomorrow"
The Netflix one was obviously the most preposterous, because I could never live without How I Met Your Mother, but it was all I had to offer.
4. Depression
When my completely reasonable bargains weren't working, I found myself falling into a deep depression. I had no interest in doing anything else but laying in bed and questioning how I had ended up at this place in my life. I would find myself stalking my graduated friend's LinkedIns, which would make me feel completely unaccomplished and seriously lonely. I missed walking around campus and seeing someone I knew every 5 minutes, which had been a constant occurence in my life for the past 4 years. All of a sudden I was realizing that I didn't know a single soul at school anymore and it was just me left. I was just too old for school. Even the food tasted old to me (but that might have been something completely unrelated to my feelings).
5. Acceptance
Coming out of my depression and shedding the last bits of hopelessness, I began to see a light. Suddenly, I was greeting new people on campus that I recognized from my classes, I started seeing other people that I knew from the previous 4 years who were in the same boat as me, I was doing my work and getting involved with campus activities, the food still tasted old, but other than that life was truly turning around. Today I stand as a proud super senior, laughing off all the looks of disdain regarding the fact that I am still in school, I haven't had to give up Netflix, I'm not an accounting major and I haven't flipped any tables over. I have finally accepted the 5th (and final) year of my schooling, and I would proudly do it again.
Just kidding, get me to graduation.
